Shared Stories
Sheryl’s Story
It was May 2017 and prime State Testing time for schools! We were all under a lot of pressure to ensure high test scores from our students.
A close friend of mine had a family member related to a top fertility specialist. My friend sent me a text giving me the go ahead and I called the doctor's office after she had called on my behalf. The secretary told me that they could see me in August and my heart sank.
3 months felt like more forever and an entire summer of doing nothing towards achieving our biggest hope and dream. I began to give the secretary my name and information and she said, "Hold on a moment, your name is on a post-it here. Actually, the doctor said he would skip lunch to see you. Can I put you in for next week?"
In those moments, nothing else matters. You'll move anything and everything to get those appointments, those retrieval dates, transfer dates, nothing else matters in the pathway to parenthood. And then I realized, next week was State Test Week. The week we had worked all year towards…
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I approached the Assistant Principal responsible for state testing schedules. I explained (while holding back tears), that my husband and I had trying to get pregnant for several years but with no luck.
We had an opportunity to meet with a top specialist but it would have to be the afternoon of one of the state testing days. She held up her hand and said, "Say no more. Not a problem, I'll figure out scheduling. You do whatever it takes to have a baby, Nothing is more important than family."
I went down to the Principal (had to request personal time off), and gave the same explanation. She rolled her eyes. She told me that it was really inconsiderate that I didn't care how my students did on the state test. She told me that it was selfish that I was making doctors' appointments the week of the most important test our students have worked towards. That I was indicating to my students that my life and personal time was more important than their academic success. Tears silently poured down my cheeks. She threw the tissue box towards me and said, "I'll think about it."
I remember standing outside my classroom confused how I'd gotten there. I didn't recall walking up three floors, across the old building to the new wing, past the cafeteria where the after school club was happening. I sat down at my desk and just sobbed. Was I being selfish? Was I failing my students? My family? My friends? Had this become all consuming? Did I recognize myself? 30 minutes later the classroom phone rang, "Fine. You can keep your appointment." Click.
Amanda’s Story
After a year of infertility, I became pregnant during distant learning in August 2020. On January 14, 2021 I went to my scheduled 23 week prenatal check up and my blood pressure was 170/90. My Dr looked at me with sadness in her eyes and quietly told me I needed to head to labor and delivery.
After 4 grueling, anxiety ridden, scary, mentally exhausting, restless weeks of living in the hospital the night came when the Dr. said, "It's time." Ruby Soho Grace Young was born at 5:45 that morning. She was perfect. She was breathing, her heart was fine, she had 10 fingers and 10 toes. She had a full head of hair. She was whisked off to the NICU, where the next 28 days were both full of pure joy, love, hope, promise, mixed with fear, anxiety, and residual trauma from living weeks in the hospital. When we weren't in the hospital with her, I painted her room, set up her crib, washed and folded her clothes and talked about what her life was going to be like.
On February 28th our lives changed forever, Ruby had come down with an infection. The infection escalated quickly and within 48 hours, she was not going to make it, and they were going to take her off life support. We were escorted to her beside where she was dressed in a gown and looked more beautiful and perfect than the day I met her. A moment later they turned off all of her loud machines and placed her in our arms. We both screamed with terror and sadness. I could not bear seeing her die before my eyes.
I will never not miss my Ruby. She lived exactly one month, but in my heart she will be my baby and child forever. This is the most unbearable pain I could ever imagine.
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I lost my son in 2017 when he was 2 hours old from a birth defect called Anencephaly…
Kirstin’s Story
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We were informed of this diagnosis at 16 weeks gestation. We decided right away to continue with the pregnancy instead of the popular termination due to the zero survival rate.
I ended up needing an emergency c-section after 3 days of active labor in the hospital. I ended up needing to stay 10 days due to a pulmonary embolism post surgery. I had to start my grieving process while going through a horrific physical recovery in the hospital. Luckily the team at Virtua Voorhees Hospital, including Ann Coyle, were amazing and went above and beyond to honor our son.
Memories start to fade and sometimes I have to look at pictures to remember the shape of his lips and chubby cheeks, but he holds a piece of my heart that will always belong to him. We released a butterfly for him in the Angel baby garden at the hospital soon after he passed and to this day there are always butterflies surrounding my family and I. The moments where I watch the butterflies fly and picture my sweet boy are the most vivid and connected moments we share together. I may never know why we had to lose our son, but I am forever thankful for the connection I share with my own little guardian Angel.
I went through two miscarriages a year apart…
Allison’s Story
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The first one was in 2018. We had gotten pregnant unexpectedly when I was 39 after just getting diagnosed with Hashimoto's.
At 6 weeks pregnant everything was fine. Baby was growing well and had a nice heartbeat. By 8 weeks I was having some bleeding and cramping and was seen at the ER of a military hospital. My care there was enough to give me PTSD and switch doctors to a civilian provider. I miscarried at 8 weeks and needed a D&C.
I was blessed to be working as a pre-k teacher at the time and have some of the most understanding coworkers who took care of my students for me while I was out for around 2 weeks. They checked on me daily as well as my principal. When I came back my parents were very supportive too. I had several who prayed for me and offered resources and support.
Almost a year to the date I lost another baby at 5 weeks. Then, in March of 2020, amid all the pandemic craziness, I found out I was pregnant with my rainbow 🌈. She is the biggest blessing and I have the most amazing colleagues who covered for me while I took a month off for maternity leave.
Monique’s Story
Back in September, at 7 weeks pregnant, I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. It’s where the fetus is growing in the fallopian tube and not the uterus…
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It’s painful. But women are tough. Symptoms were chalked up to pregnancy and brushed under the rug. An ectopic pregnancy is life threatening if and when it ruptures. I was lucky to have it caught before that, and went into emergency surgery the same day.
The night before my diagnosis and surgery, my symptoms of back pain and spotting finally became too much to ignore. I started the process the next day, with the OBGYN.
Even though I was 38 and trying for over a year the doctors hadn’t wanted to see me until 11 weeks. This concerned me from day 1.
My husband went with me to the OBGYN for an ultrasound, not knowing what to expect. A visibly freaked-out ultrasound technician checked me, then the first doctor, of many doctors I would see that day, explained what was happening. I got tunnel vision, skewed more by the flood of tears. She had to explain several times that I needed to go straight to the ER and have surgery. Basically, “Do not pass Go…” There were a couple other options, but this was the safest. No option resulted in the baby surviving. Surgery was 3 incisions: one through my belly button and one on each side to remove my left fallopian tube and baby. I regret not asking what happened to my tube or baby.
Since surgery, I now have chronic hip pain, pain I never had previously, and feel my ovulations much more strongly almost like period cramps.
I feel disenfranchised at work now. Coincidently I had taken time away from the classroom when this happened. Pre-pandemic I taught 7th grade science, then went to teaching grades 6-8, 130 students remotely. I was exhausted and planned on starting fertility treatment when the ectopic happened. I returned to work in the new year, but took over another teacher’s maternity leave. In a twisted bit of fate her baby was born on my birthday. And I somehow work with a group of baby-obsessed teachers. I can’t seem to escape it.
Today, I know I am stronger. The strength comes in waves. It doesn’t mean I don’t have more wailing and crying to do. But I am strong. I have changed since losing my baby. To honor my baby I wear a ring with angel wings engraved on it.
Jessica’s Story
I am a special education teacher in a middle school setting. Teaching students with Autism. I’ve learned after the second loss…one chemical and one miscarriage (5 1/2 week loss) to not share with coworkers and friends until my wife and I got to hear a heartbeat…
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We decided to announce it in around 3 months. It’s just so devastating to have to go back and say it didn’t work and then the constant whyyyyy. I’m currently 15 weeks after 3 early losses and two missed (yes, I had another miscarriage at 6 1/2 weeks). Everyone knew I did IVF, so we stopped talking about it after the 4th try.
My wife and I were struggling to get answers. I just wish I didn’t share a lot with coworkers... I was even told it’s ok you can always adopt. Or it will happen when the time is right.
We didn’t give up and kept looking for answers. I was diagnosed with lupus anticoagulant (blood clotting issues that can cause blood clots to the placenta). We decided to try one more time with aspirin and Lovenox (on day of transfer). This time it didn’t take at all.
We went onto a laparoscopy and had tubes removed and little endo removed. New protocol with meds and continue the Lovenox and aspirin (5 days before transfer with higher 10mg Prednisone). This is now giving me my rainbow miracle.
I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and in constant worry. I’m trying not to stress out and go with the flow. I think it’s helping that I’m working back in-person with less staff this summer. In September I will be about 5 1/2 months and hoping I’ll be more at ease to take more freely about it. My guard is up for the most part.
Aubrey’s Story
When I found out I was pregnant with my first baby, I was so excited to tell my students. I work as an Instructional Aide with K-3 Special Education students. I knew they would be excited, curious, and have lots of questions.
I was due on the last day of school, but I was only pregnant from September until March. At 28 weeks I was taken by complete surprise when I heard the words, “There is no heartbeat.” I could not process what had happened. I never even once thought stillbirth was something that could happen to me.
I delivered my son Noah on March 26, 2021. I held him, talked to him, said goodbye, and left the hospital feeling completely numb. Depression set in, and my world went dark.
I took a few months off of work, leaving my staff to tell my students why I was gone: “Mrs. Magoon’s baby stopped growing, and she’s very sad.” When I returned I asked my staff to just treat me as if things were business as usual. I didn’t want hugs and words of condolences. My students still asked questions, though. “Where is your baby?,” “Why did your baby stop growing?” It was hard, and I ended up asking my principal if I could just hole up in an office and do prep work for a few weeks. So, I did.
Weeks passed, and it felt like my experience was old news. But that’s what I wanted, right? I didn’t want eyes on me. I didn’t want pity. And yet, not talking about Noah made me sad too. It’s hard going from everyone joyfully talking about your baby, touching your belly, and then suddenly everyone ignoring the topic of babies around you altogether. It made me feel like a pariah.
Jessica’s Story
We got pregnant in the fall of 2019. I started spotting over a weekend and the bleeding increased on a Monday at a professional development I was attending.
I called the doctor, went in for an ultrasound, and our worst fears were confirmed. We were losing our baby.
I took a few days off of work for a D&C and to recover emotionally, but going back was hard. One day the school newspaper printed a story about pregnancy and the front cover was a picture of an ultrasound. I completely lost it. Luckily my principal saw me and told me to go home. He was so understanding.
Since then, we’ve had a natural chemical pregnancy and started IVF treatments. Our first transfer ended in another chemical pregnancy. Going through Stims during the school year was very difficult. I remember going back to work two days after my egg retrieval and having to lay on the floor in my classroom while the kids were at lunch for 20 minutes to try and ease the pain.
It’s been a long journey and it’s not close to over yet.